Sebastian turned five years old last week. It is alarming to me how much maturing he has done over the past few months. I can't put an exact date on it or even recall a specific situation where I first noticed it, but he's definitely growing up lately.
When Valerie and I got married, Sebastian was not yet two years old. He still wore diapers and still insisted on a bottle at bedtime. He didn't use a bottle during the day, but he wouldn't think of retiring for the evening without a bottle of warm milk in tow. He was good kid I think, but in all reality it's difficult for me to know for sure. Prior to my moving into Valerie's house and gaining an instant family featuring two very young children, I had no experience, no prolonged exposure to children that small.
I can recall quite clearly how apprehensive I was around them, and maybe part of me still is a bit. It didn't help matters that I was so green to the experience nor that Sebastian seemed to regard me as a rival for his mother's attention. I know it seems silly that I would think he could do that at such a young age, but he and I have butted heads a lot over the past three-and-a-half years. I don't blame him by any means, I certainly should have been much more patient, but I frankly didn't know how to be; I hadn't yet been softened enough to the reality of having a family.
I had heard about "terrible twos" and the demonic-like behavior of children of that age. Sebastian made all those nightmares come true, it seemed. Looking back, I can't remember any specific incidents, only a general sense that if there was a way to ruin a trip to the store or to cause me to lose my temper, Sebastian would find it. More than that, it seemed he took pleasure in finding it. More than once he would do something i had specifically forbade him from doing, all the while watching me with a smile on his face, waiting for the inevitable reaction. Why he did this, I have no idea. I understand wanting attention, but he was clearly seeking the wrong kind.
Sadly for me, the terrible-ness didn't end when he turned three, or even four. Since I have known him, Sebastian has sought the spotlight, but always doing so by displaying poor behavior. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't an evil child by any stretch; he has always been very kind-hearted to his family and displays an inordinate amount of clinginess to anyone of the female gender. He claims to have a "billion" girlfriends, most of which are in their early to mid-20s.
Throughout our time together, I have tried my best to explain where I feel he's going wrong and until recently I may as well have been speaking Chinese. It didn't seem like it mattered how many times I explained it, or how loud I would eventually yell, he didn't seem to get it; or he chose not to. Either way.
Lately though, I've seen a change in him. He and I are much more able to interact in peace. He seems to trust me more and be less afraid of me. I am not in any way blaming him for his "fear" before this. My temper is legendary and Sebastian always knew what buttons to push. I know this makes me sound like a bully, but this didn't seem like an ordinary child. The little boy just knew how to get people angry and he reveled in getting a reaction.
Something happened that has changed his demeanor. I don't know what it is, but if I could bottle it I would make a fortune. Sebastian still clings to his mother and any other female, but he also now is allowing others to see him interact with the world without demanding the attention he did before. It's almost as if he feels more comfortable with himself, or with his life. I don't know if that's true, but it's what I hope is true. He seems at peace with the world around him lately, or as much at peace as a five-year-old can be, I guess.
I've tried to instill confidence in him whenever I can. Sebastian used to wear his jeans unbuttoned because he "couldn't" figure out how to fasten them. If it wasn't a snap, he couldn't do it. Of course, he could do it, but it wasn't easy, so he didn't try and just walked around open to the world instead of attempting to fasten the button. This isn't the only example of how he used to wait for others to help him, but it's the one I point to when I show him how to do things he says are too hard. Once I sat down and showed him how to button his pants, the excuse didn't fly anymore. When he would say he couldn't do it, I would remind him that he has done it and he can do it again if he tries. He tried and he did it. I made sure to tell him he did great.
We are now at a point where he can accomplish most any task asked of him (within reason of course; he's five). Grandma brought him a new bike for his birthday and this one has no training wheels. It's a little big for him yet, but Aunt Steph (one of his girlfriends) and Uncle Braden have been helping him to learn to ride. We discovered that because of the size of his new bike, he was having trouble getting started, so I took the training wheels off his old, smaller bike and he did pretty well last night. He falls sometimes (he hasn't figured out how to stop except to just fall over) and one of the falls yesterday drew some blood on his ankle. That was all he needed to want to give up.
But just like the buttoning of his pants, I know he can do it if he keeps trying. More than that, if I tell him he can do it in that way, he thinks he can as well. I am very proud of all the growing he has done of late. I'd like to think I had something to do with it, but I don't think I can take much credit. It takes a village to raise a child and Sebastian has a wonderful support system of family around him everyday.
It can't be easy to have your life thrown into chaos the way his and Lillian's were when their parents divorced at such a young age. The transitions they have made, along with my own, haven't always been smooth. It might have taken Sebastian a bit longer to adapt, to accept, than we would have liked, but I couldn't be prouder of him. I hope someday we will have the same father-son relationship that any "traditional" father and son would have. I think we are well on our way.
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