In My Head, I'm Already Gone

The date was April 29, 2011. That was the official email I received from Proctor & Gamble. The email that would change my life, or so I thought. I had made it! After a screening process literally four months long, I had passed the initial questionnaire, passed the four-hour long test, and finally passed the panel interview. The email confirmed that I was placed in the hiring pool, from which names would be drawn and offered employment.

A job at P&G meant more than doubling my salary in the first year and tripling it by year five. So, for the next few weeks, I checked my email fervently. Weeks turned to months and eventually I began to lose confidence. Why wouldn't they call? Several times over the weeks and months I logged in to their website to make sure they had my correct information.

Finally, yesterday, my one year anniversary in the hiring pool arrived and with it came an end to my hopes of a life-changing job. You get only a year in the pool and my year was up.

While my personal life is probably more fulfilling than ever, professionally I have been left feeling unsatisfied. I've worked the same position at Tom Ahl's dealership, watching from the sidelines as those around me have been moved to bigger and better opportunities. I suppose I should be grateful, as I really have no boss and the arrangement allows me the time needed to write. But I don't do a ton of writing anymore and now I'm just flat-out bored. Of course, boredom is something I'd happily put up with for the right price, but that has never been one of the perks of this job and lately it's headed in the wrong direction.

I've sent out an application that looks promising and this week I'll send out some more. I've convinced myself, in my head, that this is probably my last week at Tom Ahl's rental counter and I cannot wait to move on to a new challenge. Six years is a long time to watch as others are given opportunities to advance, to watch as others leapfrog over me. I'm just about ready to go.

Of course, a year ago I was convinced that my days at Tom Ahl's were numbered and that didn't pan out. This time, with my wife pondering staying home with the kids, the time seems right to move on, where ever the next stop may be.

I don't know where I'll work, or even if I'll work at all should Valerie decide to go back to the farm. I know the next stop won't likely be as lucritive as P&G would have been, but almost anything will be more so than this place. Ideally, I'd get to do the network stuff full-time and make a decent living from home, which would kill two birds for us, but that doesn't appear in the cards for at least several months. In the meantime, I just can't see myself convincing me to go into work at the dealership everyday for too much longer. This ship has sailed.

In my head, I'm already gone.