A Different Kind of Writer's Block

I miss writing.

For those of you who don't know, as a hobby I spend my free time scouting and recruiting writers to join the FanSided sports network. Before a few months ago, my primary function at said network was as a writer. In order to devote more time to the non-writing stuff they need me to do, I gave up the writing.

Sure, I still have this humble forum, but I fear it has become something I never intended it to be. It's now a place where I can't write freely without worrying and over analyzing each word to see if it can be misconstrued in some way or another. People have been getting angry with me over what I write here, regardless of my intentions. This site was only supposed to be a way for my kids to look back on me one day after I'm gone, to get to know their dad and who he was; his inner-most workings.

Unfortunately, too often I've felt I need to apologize to the others in my life who also read these pages, though rarely has there been malicious intent. I guess I'm not allowed to be honest here, and if I can't do that, then there is no point. I don't want my kids getting a false impression of me.

So, I don't write at FanSided and I don't feel free to write here. But I do miss the writing.

I may have to start covering baseball again  or perhaps I can start a new site and just keep the link to only myself. Of course, then if I were to drop dead or get hit by a bus, my kids wouldn't find it, so I guess I should tell someone where it is. Maybe just my wife.

Of course, if she were to be hit by the same bus that would do no good either. But if I tell more people than were back to the problems I have here.

I guess I just wish that people who know me would realize that I am, and have always been, direct enough to address any issues I have with them. I don't often talk in code (though I am doing so right now) and I don't mince my words. I certainly wouldn't openly write a piece calling someone out without actually doing so. I mean, look at the pieces I've written about Bio-dad. Sure, I don't mention his given name, but I'm not exactly hiding who I'm talking about. And those pieces have been hyper-critical.

This is all very frustrating to me, because I don't feel I've done or said or written anything that should have been taken the wrong way; nothing I should need to apologize for. Yet I don't think I can keep writing here without causing more drama.

I don't know. I'll think on it and see what happens I guess.