Ignorance is Bliss

I was reading a piece by Gregg Doyle on CBS Sports today. Doyle, if you're unfamiliar, is a bit of a shock-jock when it comes to sportswriting, but his pieces are generally entertaining even if his reasoning seems crude. Today he was tackling the subject of Blue Jays slugger Jose Bautista and the ever-present steroid rumors. That's not the point of this piece, though, I have another blog for that.

Doyle wrote something in his piece today that really hit home for me personally. And it speaks to the on-going battle within my own head.

"If we're naive, so be it. If we're stupid, hey, that's OK. Sometimes it's healthier to be stupid and naive than to be cynical and smart. Cynical and smart people, their hearts corroded by all that negativity, tend to die early. Stupid and naive folks? Assuming they stay out of traffic, they do OK."

I exemplify everything that Doyle outlined above. I have spent my entire life being the very definition of cynical, being consumed by negativity. The glass has never been half full for me. This is a realization I came to long ago and for many years not only did I accept it, but I found it a source of pride.

I wouldn't be the one who got fooled when everyone else did. I would be the smartest guy in the room, and voice my opinion no matter whose feelings might get hurt. In short, I actually prided myself on being a jerk.

I recent years (since I got married), I have taken strides to change my outlook. To a small degree I feel it's working, but it isn't easy changing 30+ years of ingrained negativity. Far too often, I still refuse to sugar-coat my feelings to people who aren't within my close circle of family. Notice I didn't mention friends there. That's because I really don't have friends. I mean, my wife is my best friend, but she's also the only real friend I have. At least the only real friend I have that I have actually met in person. I have people I know online thanks to the blog and twitter and there are some of those that I do consider friends, but it's not like we can go play a round of golf together.

My point is really that while I used to have friends, it's either been too much effort to keep in touch over the years, or (more likely) my general unpleasantness made those friends decide that they were better off without me. I'm not upset by it, I haven't made much an effort with them either, I'm simply stating my theory is all.

Getting back to what Doyle talked about with the "stupid and naive" people. He's got a great point. When you go through life giving a damn about every little thing, making sure you control every variable, you never have any fun because you simply don't allow yourself to.

There is a saying in my house that sounds funny but probably was never meant as a joke; "Dad doesn't like fun." I do my best to limit the opportunities of the kids to hurt themselves. If I see a situation that they are putting themselves at risk of falling or getting hurt, I put a stop to it. I don't allow them that "fun" because I'm worried. And it's not just that I worry about their safety, it's also that I worry that if they get hurt, they'll cry and then if they're really hurt I'll have to take them to the doctor or the hospital and that would put a serious halt on my evening plans. See how selfish that is? Like I said, I'm kind of a jerk sometimes.

But I do think I'm getting a bit better. I think. My wife would probably disagree though. (side note: the other day I shocked the hell out of her when I suggested we take the kids to the community pool. She was thinking of wanting to go as well, but assumed I wouldn't want to so she didn't bring it up. Hahaha)

It's not just at home where I over analyze the next move, either. In all sorts of situations at work or wherever, I see a situation and immediately think five moves ahead, always envisioning the worst possible scenario. Believe me, if you do that enough, nothing seems like it would be fun. The risk is always greater than the reward.

But the reality is (and here's the part where I really struggle) that worst-case scenario almost never actually happens. Ninety-nine times out of one hundred, the kids don't fall, they don't get hurt. The magic marker almost always comes off their bodies, or the wall. The spilled juice is easily wiped up from the table or the floor. When I see these situations in my head, however, the outcome is always much worse than it ever actually is.

Like I said, it's not really about the family life and raising the kids for me; this is a battle within my own head no matter the time of day or where I am. I am working to allow myself to be "stupid and naive" more often. Because it's a helluva lot more fun than always being "cynical and smart."

And contrary to the belief in the Parent house, Dad does like fun. At least when he allows himself to.