So Bio-dad is back. When last we spoke, I detailed how he had given up and we had begun the process of adoption. That plan lasted all of about six weeks. The day before we were to meet with our lawyer to draft the paperwork, he came calling.
I won't bore you all with the details, but it's been a couple of months now and he really seems to be a new man. According to reports, he's given up drinking and smoking. He moved back in with his parents and he's been the ultra-attentive father he should have been all along.
I am extremely happy for the kids. This is exactly what I had always hoped would happen. I certainly wish he hadn't waited so damn long to embrace the idea of having such wonderful kids, but he finally seems to be manning up. Good for him and good for them.
Of course, there is the other side of that tale.
I don't know if this will come off as selfish and I'm not sure it matters. But, if my kids are to someday read these words, as is my intention, I do want them to know how disappointed I am that I don't get to give them my name and make them legally mine. I have been the one man who has been there for them every single day for the past five-and-a-half years and still there are people who call me a "step-dad;" a mere fill-in for the real thing. Meanwhile, he shows up yet again and all of a sudden all the shit he put those kids through for the past five years is forgotten.
Yeah, that hurts a little.
At the same time though, I am so happy for the kids. No one should ever have to go through life wondering why their father didn't want them, why he didn't love them. I certainly am not accepting his reformation as permanent at this point; he's got a lot of negative equity built up he'll have to overcome first. But I hope he can do it. I hope he can stay on the straight edge. I hope he'll be the dad he's supposed to be.
I'll be okay with that because it's the best thing for my kids.
And if he's not up to the task, I'll be there. Just like I always have been.
