The First Major Fallout From This Site

I suppose it shouldn't come as a surprise, but a couple of my posts here have ruffled some feathers among my family. When I decided that I wanted to use this site to give light to my inner-most thoughts and ideas, and vowed to do so will complete honesty, I understood that this outcome was possible. Probable, in fact.

This post could go a couple of different ways right now. I could issue a blanket apology and make everyone happy. Conformity is always the path of least resistance, after all. Or, I could hold my ground and hide behind the idea of complete honesty, as if that gives me carte blanche to piss of as many people as possible. It doesn't.

Instead, I think I'll try to find a middle ground, because I don't think that either of the above options are the right way for me to go. And if this blog is to be for my children someday, I don't want the lesson learned here to be either of the above. To follow either of those paths would be to allow society to determine your behavior. In situations such as these, you should always be true to yourself first.

Let me start by saying that the issues I have discussed here in recent months did not necessarily need discussed. Which is to say, I guess, that those issues did not need to be made public. In my opinion, they did need discussed, if only with myself. Again, I understood when I began this writing project that there would be the risk of alienating some people. That's not what I want, but it also would be going complete against my goals here to hide from my thoughts and feelings. This site is intended for my kids to get to know me; the real me. To see what's hidden from public view. I don't promote this site at all; I don't care one lick if no one ever reads it until my kids are old enough to do so. But the fact is that there are people who are aware of its existence and some of those people have been offended by what I have written.

I was told that I owe apologies to certain people and I've given that a lot of thought. What would I be apologizing for? I don't mean to come off as crass here, that wasn't a throw-away line at all. If I am to apologize, I'd damn well better understand that something I did was wrong. I spoke my feelings, even if they were in an agitated state. Those feelings were truthful at the moment I wrote them. Does that mean that those are always my feelings? Of course not. Just the same as you may love pizza but can't stand the idea of eating it on a given day. People's ideas and feelings about other people (or pizza) change and shift in multiple directions seemingly at all times. So I really don't think I should apologize for that.

The other option, again, is that perhaps an apology is warranted to airing these feelings publicly. I assume this is why I was told to apologize in the first place. Certainly, my sister did not ask to be included in my ran the other week. I probably shouldn't have been directed as much toward her as it was, either. The people I truly should have been ranting to and about were Dad and Vickie. It is, after all, their house that was involved. It was their trip home that stirred all of this up. Does that mean it was all their fault? Not, not at all. I fully recognize that my reactions to the outside world are completely within my control. If a situation or a person is upsetting to me, it is not the fault of the situation or person; it is my job to adjust my reaction, as I will not be able to change the outside condition.

That said, the fact remains that I did write and publish a piece here that called out my sister and placed some blame at her feet for a situation that she probably didn't completely cause. So I will issue an apology for that much. I was agitated and took to my keyboard, not caring if I had my facts straight, though I believed at the time I did. I should have been more diligent about my research there.

I also understand that my post caused some tension between Dad and Vickie. That certainly was not the goal either. When Dad hit town and began making plans to see my family exactly once during the 10 or so days he would be around, I was hurt by that. Writing the post that I wrote was probably equal parts a need to get the feelings off of my chest, and a passive-aggressive way to alert them of how I felt, without the unpleasantness of a confrontation. It was a childish was to solve a problem, but I'm happy to say that my message was heard, at least somewhat. While Dad, it seems, focused too strongly on the discussion of material items (for the record, I don't WANT anything. The idea of splitting goods came from the Hershey talks. I guess I just assumed that hadn't changed. Either way, they were still moving out.), he was able to determine that it wasn't okay with me that my kids would see their grandparents once in a seven month period, not when they'd be in town for that length of time.

As it turned out, we saw them four times in total. And it was great.

My blog post caused at least a couple of fights and probably quite a few hurt feelings, but if it also caused me and my family to spend three extra days worth of visits with my parents before they left town again, well, then it was worth writing.

Naming the PTBNL

For those of you who follow baseball, you know what a PTBNL is. That's the back-end of a trade, usually a minor league player; a throw-in on a deal. Many times, a PTBNL (Player To Be Named Later) will be selected from a small list of players, chosen by the acquiring team.

In this instance, however, the PTBNL is a little boy who will be joining our family in a matter of three months or so. Valerie and I have done some things differently with this, our last, pregnancy. We kept the news a secret for as long as possible, we've quietly discussed names between only ourselves. This is a pregnancy for she and I to share, in as much as a pregnancy can be shared. She is, after all, the only one actually carrying the baby.

Anyhow, after a LOT of back and forth, each one of us vetoing suggestions made by the other, we narrowed the working list down to a few names. Valerie and I were watching a game show the other night and casually mentioning names to one another. The contestants were being introduced and Valerie said "okay, we'll name him whatever the third contestant's name is." She was joking, of course, but the laughing stopped when the third contestant's name was revealed (you're on the edge of your seat now, aren't you?). This name was one Valerie and I had mentioned before, and we had both kinda liked it.

Given our history with this name, and the "sign" we were given by having it pop up when Valerie made her off-hand suggestion, it just felt right to go ahead and decide on that one.

So we spent the next however long discussing a first and middle name combination and eventually settled, I think on what our PTBNL will be named, when he's named... later. Nothing is etched in stone (or on a birth certificate), so there remains a chance that we could change our minds. But for now, anyway, I think he's got a name.

In just about 10 weeks, the world will get to meet a little boy by the name of......