I'm not entirely sure what date this post will wind up getting published, but it's being written on October 22, 2011. By the time this goes live, the world will be aware that Valerie and I are once again expecting. As I write this, she is 17 weeks and three days pregnant.
In previous pregnancies, we always shared the news as early as safely possible or right at 12 weeks. This time, however, we decided to keep this to ourselves for as long as Valerie's tummy would allow. There are a few reasons for this.
For starters, as soon as we found out, both of us could hear the reactions we'd get from friends and family. Even the ones who offered their congratulations would do so, in all likelihood, while also saying things like "this is the last one, right?" or "you do know how that happens, don't you?" Worse will be the ones that openly object to another child in our family, one that would already includes four children ages six and under.
Frankly speaking, we simply don't want to hear it. It's not about you, it's about us. The world is full of arrogant individuals who think that their opinion of your life should be more important than your own. They won't admit to this, of course, because they don't recognize that they are this way, but they are. Most of the time, we all are.
I guess in a way, I can understand a few of these people having concerns. We already ask so much of my in-laws as far as watching the kids for an hour or three each day after school that adding another will only add to their responsibilities. Beth has also been kind enough to watch the little ones all day three times every other week; giving up her days off from work. I understand and appreciate their sacrifice to no end. But, Rob and Beth are they only two people that I can think of that this will affect at all in anything but a positive way, and for 95% of the rest of the world, this news won't have any affect at all.
But that won't stop the snide comments from those who are supposed to share in the joy, not try to dampen the atmosphere of happiness. Far too many of you will (and by the time this is published already have) take a selfish attitude about what should be a tremendously happy thing for us. Because again, this has pretty much absolutely nothing to do with you. So what, you might have to come to an extra birthday party? Don't come if that's a bother for you. We'll be fine. The child will be fine.
The other reason we decided to keep this in-house for as long as possible is that I wanted this one to be for us. Part of that, of course, is tied to the above. Maybe most of it. For the last two pregnancies, it seemed like the whole world was involved in our lives, commenting on everything. It didn't feel like it was something that Valerie and I shared together; we had to allow everyone else to come along, too. Knowing that this is the last one (and it is the last one, Valerie), I wanted this to be just ours for as long as it could be.
I was thinking last night about Leyton's journey to the world. That pregnancy included not only family and friends, but countless strangers; all of which were necessary thanks to Leyton's gastroschisis. When we were expecting Amity, the process was much different. Valerie and I were able to share things together that we couldn't before and that we can't now. By the time Amity was conceived, Leyton was sleeping in his own bed, so we had every night to lie together and talk and discuss names and just enjoy the process. Amity still won't sleep in her own bed and so there aren't those same moments with Valerie. I miss that. But while we haven't had as much time to share this with each other, it's comforting to know that what we do share is shared only between us. This feels like our pregnancy, like our family, not someone else's.
Maybe that's more selfish than what everyone else will think or say, but shouldn't it be? Shouldn't we, Valerie and I, have this for us? We created this child, we'll raise this child, we'll provide the love and support of this child. Why then, shouldn't we get to make this decision without repercussion? But I know we won't get off so easily.
In all likelihood, we'll see even more backlash because we waited to tell everyone. That's just how people are I guess.
No comments:
Post a Comment