So I wasn't sure I would ever write this post, but I guess it might be okay to do so now.
As of today, it's been two months and two days since I stopped using smokeless tobacco. This is not the first time I've quit, or even the longest I've gone, but this does feel like the most permanent.
This might come as a surprise to some, but I hid my tobacco use from my wife for quite some time. I had quit after we got married but eventually I began again. I couldn't tell her. Eventually I became reckless and she found the damning evidence. It was a very, very bad day. She says it was the worst day she's had.
Instead of being some tough guy who tried to quit everything altogether, I recognized (probably because of past failures) that it wasn't so much the nicotine or tobacco I craved, it was simply having that something in my mouth. (Yes, I realize this is a topic that disgusts many)
So when I stopped chewing, I replaced it with "fake chew", which is tobacco free and manufactured to look, smell, and taste like the real stuff. I'd tried this before, years ago, and found it to be like plastic, but like most things, they've come a long way. In case you were wondering, Smokey Mountain brand Cherry or Peach is what quelled the cravings for the better part of two months. And by the way, tomorrow will be a week without even using the fake stuff. Now I just chew gum when I "need a fix", so to speak.
Over the past several months, I've taken steps to improve myself, which is something I probably wouldn't have been aware enough to do, let alone motivated enough, without my wife. Once again, she is the my inspiration in all things. I have tried to become more in tuned with my reactions to others, my relationships with my kids, all at her urging. Even if I had thought to do it myself, I likely wouldn't have thought me worth the effort.
This tobacco thing is as much for her as anyone, but just like everything else in the past four years, I find that when I do things for her, they end up really benefiting me as well.
I didn't write this post to be congratulated or patted on the back for a job well done. This isn't that at all. I failed at quitting more than once before this time, but I feel good about the end of this quest being fruitful. I don't feel good about doing what I did to my wife. Hopefully I'll be able to restore her faith in me.
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